something new

Lately I find myself being that girl. The kind that grins like a big dumb moron when I get a text message. The kind that spends most of the day anticipating the end of it, because that's when the phone call happens. The kind of girl that, let's be honest, usually bugs the crap out of me. And the truly obnoxious part is that I'm actually kind of enjoying it!

Being me, I have to over analyze this and try (likely in vain) to explain it all. Or at least justify it. This is the best that I can come up with.

For that part of the day, those few minutes, that hour (or more), however long that phone call lasts, I can actually just let go. It's the one part of every day that I feel comfortable, maybe even safe enough to be completely me. Why I can't be all of myself for the rest of the day, or even on a regular basis, is something I've never been able to fully explain. I guess I'm just not good at letting people in. That's just part of who I am.

But for that period of time in the day... I don't have to worry about not being understood, or thought of as strange. I don't have to censor myself, or try to phrase things in a certain way. I don't have to worry about saying the wrong thing, or sounding stupid. I don't have to explain my train of thought, or hold back the random tangents my brain decides to follow. For the first time I find myself in a situation where all of those things are somehow OK. I can be odd, confusing, random, dorky and moronic. I can even be that girl, and it's alright.

I can just be me.

It's bizarre, and amazing, and a little bit terrifying.

I guess most new things are that way.